The Truth About Money

I quit a really, really, really crappy and low-paying job--one we moved hundreds of miles away for me to take--after completing training, which was 30 days. The job made me anxious and fearful and I could not live in that state of mind. Looooong story. After taxes and other deductions like medical etc., I was bringing home about $250 a week. About one could expect to make at a fast food place.

Add to that I sucked at the position and my training leader suggested I get out while the going was good (i.e., before I got fired), and I talked with my husband about it, and he said if he got a job--any job--I could. And the Saturday after I completed training, he did get a job. A temporary job, but a job, nonetheless. One that requires him to work in another state, where he sleeps in the back of our mini-van where we threw in a mattress we found. It's very comfortable, there's no seats in the back, but after a couple of weeks of that? It's no longer fun or comfortable. But he's doing it, for me, for him, for us.

I spoke to him today and he denies memory of setting up the e-mail. I choose to believe him. He calls me multiple times per day; texts me; and posts a lot on Facebook how much he loves me, ad nauseum. If he's cheating, he's hella good at hiding it, and I can spot the best of them. I can't live in a state of distrust, so I'm going to let it ride. If he is genuinely cheating, eventually the truth will come out and it will collapse organically (either his lovers or our marriage).

But here's the deal:

I spoke yesterday of his ability to fuck up. And so he has. He worked for six weeks, slept in the van, had showers and food out, paid a lot of bills, but neglected to put money aside for our rent for July. I asked him to do it, he nodded his head, which usually means "I'm nodding at you so you'll leave me alone even though I have no idea what I'm nodding for."

He got one last (weekly) check for his temp work, and he paid half the rent for July. Our landlady was thrilled. NOT.

But it gets worse.

And perhaps this is why we are married--we each fuck up in the same way.

While I was working, I was trying to sort out several months of back unemployment that I was owed. It literally took months to resolve. Once it did, I had already received my second paycheck. I chucked $1,000 at my husband's bank account to cover checks he wrote for an unemployment check he was expecting that magically got effed up by the state (again. Sigh.). So I wasn't able to put any aside like I wanted. Plus, I felt so flush, I started doing a lot of shopping. Nothing grand, no: a bath towel, hand towel, and washcloth for the downstairs half bath; a cabinet for the 1/2 bath to store cat litter, etc. in; earrings; a couple of t-shirts; a CD; a new wifi N router; two pairs of new glasses (and such a deal!) and so on. By the time it was all over, I probably blew through $300- and another $300- for the glasses (which i desperately needed). Not a make or break situation. And I reiterate that all bills were also paid.

But then we decided to keep me on Cobra. That was $750-, for two months, and left me broke. And then my husband blew a bunch of money on meals out for himself and us together, and evidently it ate up most of that week's paycheck. And so half a month for July. He is very good at math, and I always expect him to keep good track of his money, but he doesn't. And why do I keep expecting it?

We are fucking broke.

He's back to work, now, but his first check won't be for two weeks. And that needs to cover the rest of our July rent. The other two checks (if there are two more weeks of work) will go to August rent. And if there's anything left over? Bills.

We were just barely able to pay our car insurance, today, but that's because he borrowed $200- from his father so he could go to work out of state. I don't know what he's eating, but it must be cheap.

We are in deep doo-doo. Particularly since the Senate did not renew the unemployment extension.

Granted, I probably shouldn't have quit the horrible job, but mentally it was just a really bad place for me to be (for example, being timed in the bathroom). I got an email from a former co-worker today, and of the 26 people I started training with, only 14 are left. In a 3 1/2 month period! One actually got up at break-time when I was still there, grabbed his stuff, and never came back. Really. It wasn't just me, it was bad. The union steward told me that they thought attrition was 50 - 65%. This whopping huge corporation can afford that because training costs are a write-off. It's a people factory.

But. Here we are. At the corner of fucked and now what? and the answer is "I don't know." I sold a couple of books on Amazon, but I don't have any money to actually put them in the mail; I also am expecting a claim check from my vision insurer (I never actually got the info on the benefits until after I had quit), but I have no idea how much that will be. The power, cell, and internet are all paid; the DirecTV is not. I hate to give it up because it takes up so much of my day and night--if I'm not reading, writing, or cleaning house, I'm watching politics.

I have no money to market a few gigs I do on the side, so I have no clients. Craig's list? I suppose I could try it.

e-Bay I can't afford either--they charge you whether you sell or not.

So where will we be in a month? I don't know. I don't know.

A woman i was in college with and who was a HUGE pain in the ass--she annoyed nearly everyone--just got a good job. That makes me feel like shit.

I have noticed more jobs that I'm qualified for on the net lately; yesterday I applied for five alone. Let's see if I get an interview.

Exhale.

We have nothing. Who would want our used furniture? Analog TV, and old CDs. Even my laptop is falling apart.

I'm paralyzed with fear. I can't decide what to do, so I do nothing.