Just Have Me Euthanized

Aww fuck me. Today sucked on so many levels. This sleeping late, this is no longer funny, not that it ever was.

I missed a client meeting today at noon, a client phone call, two emails, and sunlight.

I couldn't sleep last night, I was up until 5am, I finally was able to fall asleep, and I turned my alarm off when it came on at 10:30am, emailed the client and asked if we could move until 1pm, went back to sleep, and the next thing I knew it was dark, and 6:30pm.

F*CK.

F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.F*CK.

What is going on with me? I mean, I slept like I'd been drugged, and I was groggy when I woke up, tripping and falling all over the place, and I called one clinet back and gave her my maiden name instead of my married name. WTF?

And I dreamed all night about my ex-husband. He was in prison, and he got out sometime last year (I saw his picture on his daughter's facebook page). I feel of two minds about that--hooray for him!! and Crap, what if he's mad at me? I left him in 1996 when it became clear that he wouldn't be getting out any time soon, and yeah, I'd met someone else by then. I hung in for eight years, visiting him in the joint, but he told me two whopping big lies that related to who he really was and how much time he would probably do....and I made a better choice for me--to live life outside of prison and a husband who lived there. And I think it was the right choice. But I still love him. I hope he finds happiness. It's hard for me not to reach out to him, but it's such a bad idea on so many levels. Bad. Idea.

Picking up the pieces of my shit day and moving on. But I'm so upset I'm shaking a little bit.

Gah.